They describe their relationship and the things they’ve done to “supposedly improve” it.

And in the end, they’re left standing in the still of the night lost with ideas on how to move forward.

I know it’s a mine field out there… just so many tactics, game plans, strategies and things to think about. What about this, and what about that? The list goes on…

If there’s 1 thing I want to drive home today, it’s this.

Think oh so very carefully before contacting your ex.

In fact, if you do nothing, often it will be much better than what you’ve done til now. The last thing you want to do is push your ex even further away by doing the wrong things.

The moves you take from this day onwards will be the SOLE factor in determining any chances you have with getting your ex back.

The ball’s in your court, so play it cautiously. Say and do the things that WILL make a difference.

And so the first part of any “ex getting” formula needs to be this.

• Stop committing a relationship suicide!

Let me explain.

Right after a breakup, I see too many folks ruin their chances of getting back together by doing all the wrong things and sending their relationship spiraling out of control to the point of no return.

Are you guilty of this? Make it an easy choice for your ex to see why it makes oh so much sense to give you another chance.

Stop adding to the damage. It’s time to salvage your relationship, not to nail it up for good.

Cheers, and enjoy your Sunday.

“If I beg for forgiveness and plead for my ex back, will this work?”

This one’s a classic, and is typically the first thing most people do post a breakup. They drop to their knees, tears in their eyes, and beg for forgiveness and a second chance from their ex.

And my answer is always the same.

• Don’t plead with your ex about how much you love them; it will only annoy them.
• Don’t reason that you will change and try everything in your power to convince them so; it will only prove to them further that you’re still the same person that they broke up with.
• Don’t waste hours upon hours forcing your ex to talk it out and see things your way; it will only make them even more sure of the reasons behind the breakup.

Nothing good can come from pouring out your heart and soul to your ex right now. You will just push them further away and create an even bigger gap between you two.

Don’t beg for another chance.

Sometimes it’s better to do nothing at all. There are a myriad of tricks and tactics out there, but sadly, most of them are stale and simply won’t work.

Anyways, gotta get back to the soccer. Was disappointed to see Australia thrashed by the Germans last night. I know the Germans are far better, but I would have at least like to of seen a fight from the Aussies.

Better luck for their next game.

Cheers.

How do I get my ex back?

These emails are actually more like a mini-novel on their life’s history, how they treated their ex, and the stuff ups they’ve done along the way.

Now to be honest, I really don’t have the time to read every single email and reply with a thought-out answer. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I wanna help, but am not interested in spitting out half-baked answers just for the sake of replying.

So one thing I really wanna drum home for all you dumpee’s out there is this.

Play The Cool Cat!

I’m seeing it all too often where those who have been dumped, are making their situation even worse.

They’re trying all these concocted mind games, letting their emotions drive out the logic and sense of being cool to dropping a few levels to act like a complete desperado and wimp.

Hey, I know you’re going through a tough time. I’ve been there numerous times. But it’s HOW you play the game from now that dictates your success or failure in getting your ex back.

No ex wants to be harassed and pressured into seeing you again if it’s not the right time for them. It just aint cool.

Sometimes the best advice is to just:

lay low, let the dust settle, and get your mind back to thinking rationally again before contacting your ex.

I hope this advice helps. Hang in there, and you’ll be fine as long as you play by the rules.

Ok, off to lunch now. Enjoy your day.

Jay Jay.

If it’s any consolation though, the majority of us have all been there!

Hang in there… you’ll get thru it smiling on the other end (but only if you cast the right spells from this day forward).

Not to rub it in, but I reckon you’re going through sleepless nights, long chats with friends dissecting EVERY message you get back from your ex, depression, the constant thoughts of WHY and most importantly, you’re probably thinking how can I get my ex back.

You’re looking for a magic bullet, that one special secret to get your ex back, right?

As much as we all love quick fixes in life, unfortunately I don’t have a quick fix for you to get your ex back, and I’d very much doubt anyone does.

I remember all too well how it felt when I was dumped by my first real love. It was like going to hell and back.

Unfortunately I went on to lose her forever ONLY BECAUSE I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. (Does that sound like you now? Beware!)

So when my 2nd real love broke up with me, I wasn’t going to let her fall away into a distant memory, and I definitely wasn’t going to hit the booze at night to drown my sorrows.

Instead, I planted the right seeds that eventually won her heart back. It only took me 23 days and was much easier than I thought. Yippeeeee!

One of my neighborhood friends who was going through a break-up grilled me to find out what it was I did to get my ex back. No sooner than telling him my game plan, that another, then another and another started asking me the same questions.

Now I know how a parrot feels.

So my better half suggested I put together some sort of guide disclosing “my pearls of wisdom“. That way I can help way more than just those whom are near me.

I was really hesitant at first… only because I’m a hopeless 2-finger typist, and was enjoying my summer way too much.

But first, let me wind back to when I was dumped. Here’s what was going around in my tiny chicken brain.

1. Why did she break up with me?
2. We can work thru it, if only she’d see that.
3. Why didn’t she talk to me about it?
4. She didn’t give me a chance.
5. I know we’re perfect together.
6. It’s not such a big issue.

Do some of these thoughts sound familiar?

Now let me ask you a question. Do you think they did me any good?

The complete opposite. What a loser I was!

I was wrecking my relationship even more without realising it. What a dumb ass I was… seriously.

You see, it’s no use getting stuck in these type of thoughts. They go nowhere. It’s like a dog chasing its tail.

You need to break out of these counter-productive thoughts, take action and get to work on doing the RIGHT THINGS to getting your ex back.

Now the idea is to look at these thoughts from a completely different angle. If you don’t, you’ve got no chance in hell in getting your ex back.

Here’s what I mean.

Replace each of the numbers above with the numbers below.

1. I’m busy finding this out.
2. I’m finding the best way for this to be sorted out.
3. I’m going to figure out the problems – including why she didn’t open her mouth about it.
4. Perhaps she did and I didn’t see it. Now is the time to take action and see if there are still any chances left.
5. I’m going to show my ex why she needs me.
6. It was an issue for my ex – and perhaps there were other issues that I didn’t see. I’ll find out and sort it out.

So as you can see, before you can ever expect to make things good again, you need to really start by investigating that relationship of yours.

And where things went wrong? (phew… finally got back to the title of this blog post)

So it’s time to wake up and do things the right way.

You need to know what went wrong first, where you stuffed up, and be aware of those areas before you can even contemplate contacting your ex again. (REPEAT THIS LINE AGAIN, IT’S SOOOO IMPORTANT)

You want to avoid putting your foot in the shit again so to speak, and show your ex that you’ve changed for the better. Only then can you stand a hope of getting back together.

Before I go, let me mention that there’s also another part of the equation at work here.

You need to also know what went right, because you’ll use these “rights” as your secret tool for getting the good vibes flowing again.

So don’t give up. You just need to know WHAT to do. It’s time to sharpen your act and perform your magic!

Good luck and have a good weekend (what’s left of it).

There’s no denying that media and advertising use the word “sex” or convey the feeling of sex in their ads to get the attention of customers.

However, the big winners who get their ex back, know that there’s another 3 letter word that is more potent than SEX. That word is YOU.

Why is YOU so powerful?

Because when we were young, we thought we were the center of the universe. That everything revolved around us. Nothing else mattered but ME, MYSELF and I. Everything and everyone around us was just a shadowy form to please us and fulfill our needs.

Self-centered little gremlins we were, our tiny brains translated every word, every action into…

How does that affect me?

As we slowly morphed into adults, that same self-centered attitude still exists, though fortunately, it’s a little more reformed and polite. We have become civilized and learned how to mask this “self-centeredness” in a polite way.

Our human brain still instinctively translates everything it hears and sees into “How does that affect me?”

Here’s an example to illustrate what I’m trying to say.

You want to invite your co-worker out to dinner, so you can ask in 1 or 2 ways:

1. There’s a really good Thai restaurant in town. Will you join me for dinner there tonight?
2. You will really love this new Thai restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?

From the above 2 sentences, which do you think is more powerful in getting a “yes”?

In the first situation, your co-worker will think to themself… “By ‘good’, does it mean the food is good or the atmosphere, or both?” Your co-worker then continues thinking to themself, “Thai cuisine?”

During this whole time of thinking and pondering, your co-worker hesitates. As they hesitate, reasons to why they shouldn’t join you start creeping into their head.

So what you need to do is answer your co-workers questions subliminally by re-pharasing it as:

• You will really love this new Thai restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?

That way you are more likely to get a quick “yes”.

The pleasure-pain principle is a guiding force in our lives.

Psychologists tell us that we gravitate towards pleasure and pull away from pain. Ok, no big secret there!

For many folks, “thinking” is painful. So by using the 2nd phrase above, we minimise the amount our ex needs to think, increasing our chances of getting a “yes” from them.

So the big winners (those who successfully manage to get their ex’s back), realise that they need to do the thinking for their ex.

They translate everything they say and do into their ex’s terms by starting as many sentences as possible with the word “YOU”.

And I call this technique Comm-YOU-nication.

Enjoy this gold nugget. I know personally it’s helped me in the past and many of my clients also use it with great success.

Enjoy your weekend and Happy Easter for those Catholics out there.

James

When you first dated your ex, most likely both of you were head over heals in love… the warm feeling of being in love suddenly made all your troubles go away.

But now you have a problem. Now you have lost your ex and are desperately looking for a way back into their lives. The way back is NOT by treating them to expensive dinners in 5-star restaurants or sending them 50 roses. There’s a more effective way of working your magic and at a fraction of the cost.

Here goes…

It’s the little things in life that are remembered the most and have the biggest impact.

Yep… that’s it. No special skills or kung fu needed!

• A thoughtful gesture
• An unexpected gift
• Or just a note to say you care and wish them all the best with things.

It really does make a difference if you can dig deep and find that special something that tickles your ex’s fancy. Though, don’t go overboard and creep ‘em out. That’s definitely what you wanna avoid.

–> Remember, it’s the effort and thought that counts… not the price tag that’s attached.

So what are you waiting for?

Dig deep and think back to the good ‘ol times you shared with your ex. Try to find that special thing that would put a smile on your ex’s face no matter how they feel about you now.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Til next time… James.

Does the smell of your armpit entice the ladies to come swarming around you?

Well, such was an interesting email that I got from one of my buddies in Vancouver who saw on TV the other day a documentary about male pheromones.

For those who don’t know, male pheromones is nature’s way of attracting members of the other sex by the scent you give out.

This occurs everyday in the animal world, and in fact, many insects use their sex pheromones to attract a mate from up to 10km’s away.

BUT, will it work for men?

Here’s what my friend had to say:

Was watching this show a few days ago and you know about pheromones?

Well according to this TV program, if you watch some porn before you go out to meet the ladies, your body starts producing the stuff like crazy.

Sooo I was thinking that you should let your customers know about this.

Try watching some porn and getting all hot and bothered before hitting the clubs. Maybe this is the new secret to getting the ladies?? Try it out and get those pheromones going crazy.

The Male Armit - rife with pheromones

Now to be honest, I’ve heard of pheromones before, but never really gave it any more thought.

After checking Wikipedia, there seems to be a lot of truth in the way male pheromones work.

Here’s a link to how sex pheromones work.

So should you give it a go?

Possibly… BUT don’t overdo it and get so hot and sweaty that you can put a room full of farm animals to shame.

Do you think generating massive male pheromones can be used to your advantage right before you meet your ex?

Possibly again, but don’t blame me if your ex screams at you to take a shower and says that you stink.

Tomorrow is VALENTINES DAY! Yay!!

And you know what that means??

It means it’s the perfect reason to go contact your ex if you haven’t done so for some time. Heck, even if you have contacted your ex recently, then still go ahead and shoot over a friendly email or text message telling them this:

Just dropping you a line to say “Happy Valentines Day”. Hope you have a good day. Cheers!

See how simple that was? And it was all non-threatening too.

The reason why you need to do this is to:

a) show your ex that you still care
b) show your ex that you’ve changed, and are willing to move on. (that’s why you didn’t get all deep with your email).
c) leave your ex with that nice feeling

So remember, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and it’s the perfect reason to drop your ex a line and let them know you’re still walking the planet.

Oh yeh, just before I forget!

Stay clear of those Valentines Day eCards.

They take too much effort, and shows your ex that you still see them as being more than just friends.

At this stage you want to play the cool cat, and not look like you are out on the sidelines waiting for them to come back with your tongue hanging out.

Keep it simple. Stick to email or a text message to their mobile.

Now for what I’m up to?

Off to an early breakfast by the beach followed by some rock climbing with my woman.

Let’s hope the weather’s good.

Cheers!

James

What a lovely Sunday morning here with the sun shining. Just finished breakfast and waiting for Karly to fix her hair as we’re heading out on a date to the Hunter Valley. For those who don’t know… it’s one of the best wine regions in Australia.

Anyway, last night I came across an American Demographics report outlining some of the reasons why couples breaks up.

Did you know that:

• 35% of Americans have been through a breakup in the past 10 years?
• And those under 35 are twice as likely to breakup to those in the 35 to 54 age group, and nearly 5 times as likely to those in the 55 and older age group?

So why are so many people breaking up?

Here’s what the report says:

30% OF WOMEN cited as the number one reason leading to their breakup was infidelity. Men weren’t far behind with 28% of men claiming unfaithfulness was their reason behind the breakup.

BUT MEN had a different number one reason as to why their relationship failed. The number one reason why guys broke up with their woman was because they simply “grew apart” (40% versus 29% of women who say the same).

Of course, there is often more than one reason why a relationship heads south.

Respondents were asked to list as many reasons possible that lead to their last breakup. And the results were…

commitment problems and a lack of passion coming up high on the list.

Women are also likely to say physical or emotional abuse as a factor resulting in their last breakup (25% versus 10% of men who say the same).

So the idea here is, if you can get your finger on the pulse and know WHY your ex broke up with you, then it will make your job that so much easier of getting them back.

But be warned… just by know the reason alone is not going to bring your ex back.

You need to have a proven plan that works. All too often, I have folks coming to me that are taking their relationship more and more to a place of no return.

Just be careful NOT TO commit a relationship suicide and cause more damage to that relationship of yours.

After a breakup, there are just as many important “What Not To Do’s” than there are “What To Do’s.”

Remember that.

Good luck and enjoy your weekend.

James.

I enjoyed the countdown into the new year watching the amazing the fireworks in Sydney harbour.

This year, the first time ever on my resolution list was to lose weight. I’ve put on 5kg’s over Christmas and am sure my better half wasn’t far behind.

Anyway, today I want to give you an inside look at the two most basic methods of getting back your ex. All other methods out there are merely a variation of these two methods.

They are:

1. The Houdini Effect (disappearing from your ex’s life)
2. Ride the Friend Thing

Now, many folk ask me which is the better of these two methods. But, there is no clear-cut answer here.

I’ll always sit on the fence and say they both work.

Here’s why…

People are a complex thing. There’s no arguing that.

Each ex will respond differently to these methods, and there’s no real way to know for sure which will work best in your situation with YOUR ex until you try it.

Sometimes it pays to do the ‘ol Houdini disappearing act and cut off ties from your ex. Other times it pays to remain friends and regrow that special bond between the two of you.

BUT… be careful.

Some ex’s will continue to Ride the Friend Thing for many moons, and as a result, you’ll forever remain their friend without getting back to that lover’s stage that you desperately want.

So my suggestion is to try both these techniques.

Ride the Friend Thing for four weeks, then if no luck, continue onto the Houdini Effect.

The Houdini Effect gives your ex a reason to miss hearing from you. Don’t email, don’t text message, and don’t accidentally bump into them if you know their movements.

CAUTION though about Riding the Friend Thing.

If your ex is the type that is happy to accept you as their friend so they can sleep with you when feeling horny etc., then you need to cut off ties. Don’t remain their friend. Move onto the Houdini Effect.

Your ex is likely trying to meet a new partner whilst sleeping with you, and you’ll be wasting your time, waiting for your ex to accept you back. And when your ex finds a new partner, you’ll find yourself with no-one and miserable with your life.

Remaining friends will only prolong the pain you feel.

So there you go. You need to choose the right option – remain friends OR disappear from your ex’s life for the time being.

Choose one of these options that best suits your feelings at the time.

I go into more about choosing the right option in my video training lessons.

Cheers and have a great year!