he's back

I’ve just had a new member come on board this week, and she’s given me the ok to share her scenario in the hope of helping others not fall for the same trap she did.

I don’t usually give personal feedback only because I get too many each day to handle them all. However I have made an exception for Janice.

Here’s her question.

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Hi, I bought your QuickStart guide today. The core reason for my breakup was actually a lack of admiration.

We started dating a year ago. He left in January, at which point I am pretty sure the reason was admiration.

We got back together in March, but we have been having on-and-off problems though no real break up.

One of the recent problems was me lying about speaking with other men although technically I never cheated. I promised I would stop lying and really tried. However, I started feeling quite desperate recently as if he was about to leave. So I implied I was pregnant, though denying verbally that I was.

He was ecstatic but I couldn’t carry through the lie and he soon discovered that I was lying even though i didn’t confess. he left me instantly, saying I was manipulative and a nasty person.because it is my fault I feel even more terrible. And he has since refused to take my calls or talk to me. I stopped calling and texting a day ago after reading your advice.

What do you think?

Now for my answer…

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Trust equals respect in a relationship. Trust takes a while to earn, but can be lost very fast. If you continue to lie to your partner, then you will receive very little respect in return.

So what you need to do now is convince your ex that “lying is a thing of the past”.

Search deep and find what actions and words you can now use that will win his trust back. It will take time to build this trust, so please value this once you start receiving it again.

By all means, use my Golden Letter, but weave in the fact that you acknowledge your downfalls, and are working on building a more mature and responsible attitude. Mention that you will be working on your character over the coming weeks and months, and won’t make this mistake again.

Follow the sample format of my Golden Letter, and tweak it to suit your circumstances. Then don’t crowd your ex with daily emails etc. Break off contact for a few weeks, then start the communication flowing again. When you do start communicating again, start off on a good foot and a clean slate.

I hope this helps, and good luck Janice.