he's back

Ever wondered if you’re in the right relationship?

I mean, you’re happy enough. He’s nice enough. She gets along good enough with your friends. Is enough… enough? Is there more out there?

Are you settling or is this as good as it gets? Here are some tips from my bag of goodies to help you sort through your feelings about your relationship.

Have you been dating for a long, long, long time?

If you’ve been dating forever and there’s been no talk of getting married, there’s a good chance that it’s never going to happen. Ditto goes for people who are “engaged” for more than a couple years.

Being engaged until someone gets their college degree is one thing, but when there’s an excuse after that, and an excuse after that, it’s time to face the music. There will never be the perfect time for you to get hitched.

Does she continue to do things that irritate you?

You’ve told her time and time again that when she wears that perfume, your contact lenses burn. But she still wears it.

Being in a successful long-term relationship involves some sacrifice to make your partner happy. If she can’t get rid of that one little thing that irks you, then it’s a clear sign that she doesn’t put much priority in you.

Have you met your in-laws?

Some people have very good reasons why you can’t meet their parents. Perhaps his parents have passed away. Maybe her mother disowned her when she was in college and hasn’t spoken to her since. But these are the extreme cases.

If your sweetheart has a normal relationship with their parents and you haven’t met them yet, then there’s something fishy going on.

Does he always bring up your failures?

Sure, you can put the past behind you, but if your beau is the one who’s always looking over his shoulder, you’ll never escape it.

He said that he forgave you for that time you got drunk at a party and made out with your ex, but does he still eye you with suspicion every time you order a martini at The Cheesecake Factory? If he can’t let bygones be bygones, it may be time for you to become one.

Does she respect your time?

Everyone has that friend that is always late. Amongst my college buddies, this was Kurt “Smart Dresser” Sackelmeister. We figured out that the best way to get Kurt to a place on time was to tell him to be there an hour earlier than we planned on arriving. This is all fine and good when the person is a friend, but it gets really annoying when the person you’re in love with is the type who would be late to their own funeral.

Another red flag for time-based respect is whether they’re a time waster.

It’s wonderful and cute to be on the phone for hours and hours, but when it starts to affect your career, it can be stressful. Do they let you do your thing when your thing needs to be done?

Are you his only friend?

We always say we want to marry someone who is our best friend – but should you marry someone if you’re their ONLY friend?

A healthy individual has a social circle. It doesn’t have to be a huge one, but there needs to be one!

If every time you leave the house to hang with your buddies you come home to him drunk on the couch watching reruns of Family Guy on both the TV and his laptop, you have a recipe for disaster.

If he sighs every time he reads the multitude of replies to your Facebook status and bemoans the fact that nobody talks to him, you’re getting into something very unhealthy. A great relationship happens when two healthy people share their lives with each other. Yeh, I know… surprise surprise.

Does she know how to show her love?

Every guy has a secret dream of having a sugar mama or a sex fiend girlfriend. But what if you had all the stuff and sex you could want, but didn’t really know if she loved you?

There are lots of little things that money can’t buy. If there’s a little ache in your heart every time you see other couples, then you know that the one you’re with isn’t The One.

Do you feel single?

Are there times when you catch yourself thinking single thoughts? I’m not talking the passing appreciation of a fine member of the opposite sex. These are thoughts that go beyond that.

Reminiscing about how great those first moments of a new relationship are, the tension and butterflies before a first kiss, the ecstasy of a sexual encounter with a new partner. But it can also be simple things like telling your friends your great news about work before calling your sweetheart.

Think about your priorities – if your partner isn’t #1, then they probably will never be.

Be honest with yourself

It’s hard to end a relationship that is “good enough,” because it isn’t necessarily a bad relationship. You could do a lot worse, right?

Take stock of your current relationship and your feelings about it.

If you’re finding red flags that you’re going to be tired of seeing in 20 years, it may be time to set sail and look for a new partner that’s a better fit.